Let’s Talk About Sex – Part II

Let’s Talk About Sex

And How Our Views About It Impact Our Lives

Part Two

Let's Talk About Sex

Taking some time to think about, how you think about the word, S-E-X is way more important than you could ever imagine. It is imperative that we understand where our views of sex come from, so that we can obliterate and destroy the LIES that pervade our minds and hearts today.

Satan’s desire is for us to be held captive by his warped teachings about sex, so that we may never see or understand or be able to enjoy what God’s design was for it to begin with.  In the last blog post we discussed how the church can skew our views of sex.  In this post we will discover another avenue which our misconceptions of sex can come from:

MEDIA

This is probably a more predictable answer compared to the church.  It also, has more of a broad scope of influence on how we think about sex.  Watching sexually explicit material strongly affects one’s ability to enjoy the sexual relationship within marriage.  This is because it affects the ways in which we perceive ourselves, others, and sex itself.

The following are ways in which the media taints how we view sex within marriage:

1.) Sex is boring.

Pornography gives the impression that sex must always have some type of newness to it.  An online article written about pornography addiction writes,

“Male sexual response follows a well-established pattern known as the Coolidge effect. As demonstrated in rats and other animals, a male will enthusiastically have sex with a female he’s been newly placed with – but before long, he’ll become accustomed to her, and less interested in sex. However, if she’s replaced with a new female, the process restarts, and the male will once again be just as enthusiastic about having sex with her as he had been with his previous mate,” (Project Know).

It is obvious from this article that sexually explicit material impacts the ways in which men or women view their sexual relationships.  Partners whose perceptions are impacted by the media will be wanting and desiring more novelty in their martial relationship.  Sexually explicit material provides this novelty all the time.

It will be difficult for there to be sexual fulfillment within the martial relationship for whoever has been impacted by this perception of sex from pornography because of this.  Often times, those who use pornography will then expect their marriage to emulate pornography as a means of fulfillment.

2.) Sex is unsatisfying.

Pornography changes the way in which people are able to engage and think about sex.    Therefore, actual sex with their mate becomes unsatisfying not just mentally, but physically as well.  One’s mind and perception has been altered by pornography, affecting the ways in which people perform and participate in sex physically.  GQ magazine recently put out an article stating the affects of pornography on the human condition.  They based their research from their article off of a group called NoFap.  NoFap is an online support group dedicated to helping people with sexual addiction to stop “using” pornography.  It writes,

“Among 27-31 year olds on NoFap: 19 percent suffer from premature ejaculation, 25 percent are disinterested in sex with their partner, 31 percent have difficulty reaching orgasm, and 34 percent experience erectile dysfunction,” (GQ Magazine).

Pornography lessens the ability for the sexual relationship between a husband and wife to be satisfying because it creates issues like premature ejaculation, disinterest, difficulty with orgasm, and erectile dysfunction. Another article about the social costs of pornography writes,

“Even short, experimental situations involving one time exposure to popular pornographic depictions create negative consequences for males’ evaluations of their romantic partner’s attractiveness…” (Bridges, 15).

Pornography nurses desires that were not meant to be, which sadly makes it difficult for the sexual relationship between a husband and wife to be satisfying.

3.) Sex is not safe.

Most instances of the use of pornography occur outside of the marriage relationship in private and without knowledge of the other spouse.  Often times, the discovery that ones spouse is using pornography is traumatic for their partner.  People report feeling shocked, hurt, and confused when they learn the nature and extent of their partner’s sexual activities.  Finding out about pornography use distorts and hurts the perspective of the male or female in the relationship who did not know their spouse was using sexually explicit material.

It can cause their spouse to consider their sexual relationship to be unsafe.  The use of pornography can cause the non-using spouse to struggle with feelings of betrayal, lowered self-esteem, mistrust, anger, objectified, feelings their partner is less interested in sexual contact, pressure from partner to enact things from online fantasy, and feeling like they cannot measure up to women online (Bridges, 17). 

The frequent comments I have heard from some of my client’s who recently discovered their spouses have been using pornography are:

–    “I am not attractive enough”
–    “I should be more available”
–    “I am not cared about”
–    “My spouse is less interested in sex with me”
–    “I fear he/she is picturing other women while we are having sex”
–    “I am just not good enough”
–    “God’s plan for sex must be unfulfilling and boring”

The perception that pornography gives to the other partner is that sex is unsafe.  It can cause insecurity and discomfort for both spouses.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4, New International Version).

God designed sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife and for the sexual relationship to be honored by all. He wants us to honor it by keeping the marriage bed pure and it makes sense why.  God designed sex to be a safe and satisfying experience. The use of sexually explicit material steals the passion, satisfaction, and safety from it.

These are only a FEW of the many ways in which we our perceptions of sex can impact the sexual relationship we have with our spouse.

There are ways to overcome sexual addiction and the affects it has on the marital relationship. If you are feeling conflicted about this topic and feel trapped or do not know who to talk to about this, always know that there is help available.

This topic in general can be shameful and embarrassing to discuss, but is not something you should feel like you have to keep to yourself. Follow this link to schedule an appointment to talk to someone here at The Relationship Center.

Resources

Bridges, A. (n.d.). Pornography’s Effects on Interpersonal Relationships. Retrieved March 4, 2015.

Christian, S. (2015, January 1). 10 Reasons Why You Should Quit  Watching Porn. Retrieved March 4, 2015.

Exploring NoFap: Taking a Whack at Porn Addiction ( Infographic). (n.d.). Retrieved March 4, 2015.

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